Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
