I'm going to jail i love you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
