need another drink. this is the easiest way
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
