yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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