I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
