remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
