i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
