you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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