Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
