mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
