My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
