Pappa wants mamma naked
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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