what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
