It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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