Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
