i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
