I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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