I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
