the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
