Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
