Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
