i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
