come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
