he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
