Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
