I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
