The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
