If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I will pee on everything he values.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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