How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Everclear isn't food dammit
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
