The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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