Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
