when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
