During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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