The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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