Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
