I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
