I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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