so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
