conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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