I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
