She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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