So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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