Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
