She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
