Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
