No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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