I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
