It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
