I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
