Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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