I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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