Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
