You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm sobbing to NWA
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
