Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
