I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
