So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
