I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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